It snuck up on me. I didn’t realize what day it was until I looked at my alarm. It’s the 23rd of February. My sister would have been 74 years old today. Sadly, she died when she was 68. Some days it’s ok. Other days, it’s hard. Yes, I still miss her. I miss her hard today.

She was 15 year’s old when I was born. And from that day on we had a special bond, she was more mother than sister at first. More sister and friend as we both got older.

We shared books and tv shows. We would discuss them for hours. HOURS. We were those people who would be on the phone talking about a show while it was airing. Remember the original Twin Peaks?

And books? I miss sharing books with her. Reading one of our favorite mystery writers to her was one of the last things we did together. I think she heard me, the nurses thought so too.

I miss talking to her. We would get on the phone and talk for hours. I would call her on my ride home from work and then end up sitting in the car, long after I got home, still talking to her. I’ve tried to replicate that with others, but although I enjoy talking to everyone else too…nothing can replace our conversations.

I’ve been beating myself up all week because I couldn’t get out of first gear. Instead, I should have just been giving myself the space I needed. Keep that in mind yourself. It doesn’t matter how many years it’s been since you’ve lost someone. Sometimes, you just need to take some time and feel it.

Yes, I still miss her. Especially today. I miss her hard.