I’ve been feeling ambivalent about my posts again. I have ideas that I love at first and then when it comes to writing them, I just don’t “feel” them at the moment. To combat that feeling, I started looking through my search terms and saw that lately, many people are searching for words for a dying loved one and I realized that this week is the 6th anniversary of when my sister died.
I’ve been seeing search terms such as what to say to your sister who is dying, my sister is dying in hospice, and words to say to my dying sister. It breaks my heart to see these searches because I know why they’re on my blog. And I know the pain they are going through.
Six years later, though, I can honestly say that when I remember my sister, it’s for all the goofy and fun things that we did. And while every once in a while, I get sad when I think of her, those times are far and few between. Instead, I’m telling funny stories or thinking about the books that we shared. So I can honestly share that it gets better.
But, because October 12th is nearly upon us, I share a collection of posts that I wrote while my sister was dying and the posts after she died that helped me to process her death.
My Sister is Dying was is the post that was published on the morning of October 12th, 2015 which was a Monday. She died that evening after her breathing tube was removed. The post is about what I was doing while my sister is in the hospital, and how I am managing to get myself through her illness.
One Year Later, And I Still Miss Her recounted how I’d given up reading my favorite fictional books that I used to share with my sister. For a year, I looked at the books that I’d taken from her house to read to her. One I read, One I never got to read. This post is about how I reconnected to reading a year later.
Missing her was still the theme in I Still Miss My Sister After Three Years. In this post, I write about our love of books, authors, words, and even TV shows. We would devour them and then talk about them for hours.
What to Say When Your Sister is Dying is, perhaps, the post that draws most people in. It specifically speaks to what I did with my sister when she was dying. Since each experience is different (my sister was in an induced coma because of the breathing tube) I also provided some resources including what to do during Covid, ideas from a Hospice center, and a link to a grief journal that I have given to others.
I hope you gain some comfort in reading these posts and I hope you feel the hug that I’m sending you when you need it most.
Your post is very relevant in these times, Jen. So much loss and grief and people are really struggling to cope.
I’ve read some of your posts about your sister and marvel at your bond. May your memories of her continue to bring you comfort and smiles!
Jennifer, So sorry for your terrible loss. She sounds like a wonderful sister and I’m sure you miss her everyday. Thank goodness, you have your writing to absorb some of the sadness.
I think that’s exactly what writing did…absorb some of my sadness.
I think it’s important to talk about and write about dying. Because don’t we really process so much of it while we are alive? Beautiful posts, …
So true. I included a link to your grief journal because I think it’s so helpful.
Loss is always tough especially if it’s someone who dies before they are supposed to. So sorry about your sister. I lost my youngest brother a few years ago and it didn’t make any sense.
Thank you, Rebecca. I’m sorry to hear about your brother. It never makes sense to lose someone so young.
I’ve been hanging on to this email until I had time to respond. I love that you did this–compiling your posts that might help those experiencing the loss of someone close to them. I believe we should celebrate and honor loss just as much as we celebrate and honor birth–but, boy, there are many more resources on how to bring someone into the world than on how to help them move onto the next! Hugs and kudos to you, Jennifer!