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You might ask why does being creative scare me and I might say why shouldn’t it?  It scares me because whenever I write, I’m sharing a part of me.  To offer out a part of me to the world is scary.  What if you don’t like me?  What if I sound dumb?  What if…….what if……what if……what if?

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I used to let that fear stop me from sharing my writing.  I’ve always known that writing was something that I wanted to do and yet the sharing of that writing was something that I struggled with for years.  I was that kid who was screaming on the inside, “Look at me!  Listen!  I’ve got something to say!”  But as soon as someone looked at me, I ran and hid.

I did the same thing with my writing.  I wanted people to read what I wrote, but then as soon as they did, I was running to hide.  And it didn’t matter whether the other person was giving me criticism or praise.  The attention is what made me run.  In school, it was just as bad.  I wanted those A’s on my papers, but I didn’t want the teacher to call it out–or worse– ask me to read my paper to the class.  Who wants to be that vulnerable in school?

All of which means that writing became my “underground” thing.  I wrote in notebooks and I wrote morning pages and I wrote in diaries, but I wasn’t really doing what I wanted to do.  I hid my writing so well that in 2013, my husband didn’t know that I ever wanted to be a writer and we’d been together for 5 years. So, how do I get from 2013, where even my husband doesn’t know that I want to write, to have this blog with 270 posts?

Time to Move Past Fear

When I realized that my husband didn’t even know anything about my desire to write, it really hit home. He was the one person that I shared everything with and yet, I didn’t share this one secret.  And then, I found a saying from Karen Lamb, “A year from now, you’ll wish you started today.”  That really hit me.  I was 52 years old and I’d spent my life always putting off doing what I wanted to do.  And considering that even if I live to be 100 years old, at 52, I had fewer years to live than I had already lived, I realized that if I was ever going to do something, it was time to start doing it.

So I started.  It wasn’t easy then and it’s not much easier now.  I’ve been reminded a lot that nothing you truly want is ever easy.  Each time I schedule a post, I confront that fear all over again.  I know that now that I’ve started, I don’t have any intentions of stopping, but that doesn’t mean the fear doesn’t creep back in.  I look at that saying from time to time to inspire me and keep me on track.

What are you putting off?  The time to start is now.  Because a year from now…..you will regret not starting.

                              

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