My mother was a funny lady. I’ve previously posted about the funny things she used to say. But it wasn’t just the things she said that were funny. Here are some of the funny things my mother did.
Pork Chops
My mother didn’t really learn to cook until later in life. Her German mother cooked everything and only showed her how to bake. My father could cook because he took over that duty when his mother died. So my mother went from her family home to her husband and never had to a cook meal.
Until later in life. And unfortunately, I was one of the people she practiced on. When I was around 11, my father took a job that kept him from cooking our dinner, which meant my mother had to start. Anything that involved baking…she did like a pro. So macaroni and cheese night was a blast.
Pork chop night. Not so much. Trichinosis–that was her big fear. So much so, that she overcooked the chops until they were rock hard. When I complained about it, she would throw a jar of applesauce at me and tell me it would soften it up.
Years later, she did learn how to make a juicy pork chop, unfortunately, it was after I’d already moved out.
Peanut Butter
Peanut butter was my mother’s go-to nervous food. If we were out to late, you could count on my mother sitting at the dining room table, eating spoonfuls of peanut butter out of the jar. Once you were in the house and the door was locked for the night, she’d put the peanut butter away and go to bed.
One night, all of her children were home and I found her at the table eating her peanut butter and said, “Why are you nervous, all of your children are home?” She said she was nervous about what we were going to do!
That’s my mother. She loved peanut butter so much that later in life, she kept the jar on her bedside table and would have a spoonful before going to sleep.
Perfect Christmas Trees
My mother was particular about her trees. They had to be perfect all the way around. She decorated the whole tree as if anyone could walk around it and see all the sides. She actually did that one year, placed it at the entrance to the hallway and we’d have to go through the kitchen to get around it. But you could see all the way around the tree.
One year, my father brought home a less than perfect three. He felt it was fine because it was going in the corner. She did not agree and threw the tree out the door. He told her he wasn’t getting another one and to go get it herself. So she told my brother to get his ax and they climbed a mountain to find the perfect tree for her.
She was in her 60s at the time.
Smashing Heads
When I was two, our parents packed 4 of their 5 children into a car and drove cross-country from Connecticut to California and then back again. One of the stops along the way was, of course, the Grand Canyon.
Imagine her surprise/fear when her 5 and 7-year old sons jumped out of the car and started running for the edge to look over. She chased after them, grabbed them by the hair, and smashed their heads together. And started yelling at them about how dangerous it was and to stop being stupid.
She then turned around and found she had an audience. It didn’t bother her at all. Her kids weren’t going to be that stupid as far as she was concerned.
That’s What Mothers Are For
When I was 8 years old, I fractured my arm. But the thing about a fracture is…no one can see something is wrong. When I came home complaining of arm pain, my mother told me to stop complaining, that nothing was wrong. There was no blood or bones sticking out, so there wasn’t a problem in her mind.
This went on for a week, I’d complain that my arm hurt, she’d tell me to go do something that involved using both arms. Complaining was not allowed. Finally, she told my father to take me to the emergency room to prove to me that nothing was wrong. Fortunately, for me, it showed a fracture in my left arm and I came home with a cast.
But the funniest mother and cast story belong to my husband and his mother. He squirted her with a water gun, so she picked up a dog dish full of water and started chasing him….right into a 4-foot ditch where he broke his leg. She didn’t believe him and threw the bowl of water on him. For the rest of her life, they both told people that his mother broke his leg.
What fun things do you remember growing up with your mother?
Those rock hard pork chops sound familiar. But then, my mother was Irish, so it goes without saying that she couldn’t cook.
Tom! I think rock hard pork chops were a thing from that time-period.
The cooking/baking was my English grandmother to a tee. Every type of meat came out of the same roasting pan overcooked and slathered in mustard. So we ate enough to be polite and waited eagerly for dessert which was always fantastic. Mom still has and uses the roasting pan. The quality of its contents has improved significantly.
I love that your mother is still using the same roasting pan. Dessert was always the best with my mother, too.
Thank you for sharing these memories of your mom! I love the peanut butter story, and keeping a jar by her bedside. Love the Christmas Tree story too. It doesn’t really surprise me that s he woudl decorate it so it could be seen all the way around. Back in the day when women learned how to embroider, for instance, the underside of the work would almost look as good as the top. Not anything I ever embroidered, the back of my embroidery looked like a rats nest. Blessings, Michele
Oh my goodness…my mother and embroidery? Hated it. She did sew, however. But my mother did love to entertain. She loved her cocktail parties at the house and usually had at least one during December. That tree needed to be fully decorated.
Hi Jennifer – lovely, funny memories. Your ma sounds as if she was a real character who knew her own mind. Doesn’t sound as if she was the typical ‘housewife’ type of the day. I’m only now watching the Marvellous Mrs Maisell on TV and your mum sound more like her than the obedient wives of the 50s! My mum is still with us at almost 93 and is actually living with us since March. I don’t have too much time to be reflective but I know one day that will be all we have. Those memories are what gets us through the loss when it comes. Already had it with my dad who died 2 years ago. The horrors of his last six years took ages to fade and I’m only now starting to miss the man he really was rather than remember the old and very ill man we last saw. Thank you for sharing these stories and reminding me that we really do need to go back in time and forget the negative stuff that aging can bring. Apologies for hardly ever being here but life is challenging and time is spread so thin I can see through it?x
You left out all the good parts of the Grand Canyon story about how she used profanity and the Lords name in vain and then turned around to see her audience which included a minister who said that’s okay I understand. Love you, miss mom and dad lots but keep the stories rolling.
Thanks for stopping by. Love you too. I forgot about the swearing! You should check out all the posts under Mommyisms. https://unfoldandbegin.com/category/mommyisms/
Ok, those are some serious hijinks! (Don’t you love that word?)
Your mom sounds like quite a woman! Feisty, fun, and spirited. You must miss her a lot.
My mom was an incredible dressmaker. One year for Halloween she made me a Rat Fink costume. My Dad was actually the funny one.