My mother was a funny lady. I’ve previously posted about the funny things she used to say. But it wasn’t just the things she said that were funny. Here are some of the funny things my mother did.
My mother didn’t really learn to cook until later in life. Her German mother cooked everything and only showed her how to bake. My father could cook because he took over that duty when his mother died. So my mother went from her family home to her husband and never had to a cook meal.
Until later in life. And unfortunately, I was one of the people she practiced on. When I was around 11, my father took a job that kept him from cooking our dinner, which meant my mother had to start. Anything that involved baking…she did like a pro. So macaroni and cheese night was a blast.
Pork chop night. Not so much. Trichinosis–that was her big fear. So much so, that she overcooked the chops until they were rock hard. When I complained about it, she would throw a jar of applesauce at me and tell me it would soften it up.
Years later, she did learn how to make a juicy pork chop, unfortunately, it was after I’d already moved out.
Peanut butter was my mother’s go-to nervous food. If we were out to late, you could count on my mother sitting at the dining room table, eating spoonfuls of peanut butter out of the jar. Once you were in the house and the door was locked for the night, she’d put the peanut butter away and go to bed.
One night, all of her children were home and I found her at the table eating her peanut butter and said, “Why are you nervous, all of your children are home?” She said she was nervous about what we were going to do!
That’s my mother. She loved peanut butter so much that later in life, she kept the jar on her bedside table and would have a spoonful before going to sleep.
Perfect Christmas Trees
My mother was particular about her trees. They had to be perfect all the way around. She decorated the whole tree as if anyone could walk around it and see all the sides. She actually did that one year, placed it at the entrance to the hallway and we’d have to go through the kitchen to get around it. But you could see all the way around the tree.
One year, my father brought home a less than perfect three. He felt it was fine because it was going in the corner. She did not agree and threw the tree out the door. He told her he wasn’t getting another one and to go get it herself. So she told my brother to get his ax and they climbed a mountain to find the perfect tree for her.
She was in her 60s at the time.
When I was two, our parents packed 4 of their 5 children into a car and drove cross-country from Connecticut to California and then back again. One of the stops along the way was, of course, the Grand Canyon.
Imagine her surprise/fear when her 5 and 7-year old sons jumped out of the car and started running for the edge to look over. She chased after them, grabbed them by the hair, and smashed their heads together. And started yelling at them about how dangerous it was and to stop being stupid.
She then turned around and found she had an audience. It didn’t bother her at all. Her kids weren’t going to be that stupid as far as she was concerned.
That’s What Mothers Are For
When I was 8 years old, I fractured my arm. But the thing about a fracture is…no one can see something is wrong. When I came home complaining of arm pain, my mother told me to stop complaining, that nothing was wrong. There was no blood or bones sticking out, so there wasn’t a problem in her mind.
This went on for a week, I’d complain that my arm hurt, she’d tell me to go do something that involved using both arms. Complaining was not allowed. Finally, she told my father to take me to the emergency room to prove to me that nothing was wrong. Fortunately, for me, it showed a fracture in my left arm and I came home with a cast.
But the funniest mother and cast story belong to my husband and his mother. He squirted her with a water gun, so she picked up a dog dish full of water and started chasing him….right into a 4-foot ditch where he broke his leg. She didn’t believe him and threw the bowl of water on him. For the rest of her life, they both told people that his mother broke his leg.
What fun things do you remember growing up with your mother?