It’s ok to be picky when choosing who you’re going to have a long-term relationship with, especially when you’re looking for love the second time around.  In midlife, you know more about yourself, what you are like in a relationship and exactly what you’re looking for in a partner.  While compromise is important to make relationships work, it’s also ok to realize that there are somethings you shouldn’t compromise on.  The non-negotiables are those things that go against your values or are things you dislike, or, as in the quote above, the pets you own.  I had my non-negotiables, which I discussed in my post earlier this week (Yes! It’s Possible to Meet the Love of Your Life Online.)  My husband and I also had a shared non-negotiable — smoking. We were both looking for non-smokers.  He, because he’s never smoked in his life and hates the smell.  Me, because I had quit smoking only a few years before I met him and didn’t want to bring that smell back into my life.  Now that’s a non-negotiable.
When you’re looking for someone to have a relationship with, you need to know what your non-negotiables are and stay with them, because you’re not doing anyone a favor if you start a relationship thinking, “I can put up with it.” Â What won’t you compromise on?
