It’s post-Thanksgiving and after the week we had, another round of Mommyisms seems just about right.  Mommyisms are those things that only a Mother could say and in this case, it’s specifically my Mother.  It’s time to laugh with these 3 new Mommyisms.

On Weddings

When I first met the man who would become my second husband, I did not ever want to get married again.  The divorce from my ex-husband was so long, so acrimonious, and cost me so much money that I just didn’t want to get tied to another person in that way again.   Chris and I were together for several years before I felt like it was going to work out.  All the while, my Mother continued to ask when we would get married and tell me she didn’t like that we were living together. When I finally decided I was ready to get married again, we just decided to elope and tell everyone afterward.  After the ceremony, I called my Mother to tell her.  She said, “You made me happy, I’m going to hang up now so I can cry.”  Which she did.  She just hung up the phone without another word and then called her neighbor and they drank wine together and laughed about Chris and I getting married on a Thursday.

President Lincoln is Here

Mother has a lot of allergies to just about anything.  Sending her to the hospital is like playing a game of chance.  You roll the dice and hope that they read the right chart (there was another woman in town with her same name.)  You roll the dice and hope that they read the chart correctly and don’t give her the wrong drug.  You roll the dice and hope that we don’t find out about a new allergy after they’ve given her a new drug.  We don’t always win on those dice rolls, but sometimes this can result in hilarious situations.

A few years ago, Mother was in the hospital for a simple operation, which went very well.  They were planning to send her home the next day and my sister and I went to visit her.  When we got there, we heard her talking to someone but we were surprised to find no one in the room.  Mother was having a very animated back and forth conversation with an empty chair.  When she saw us, she turned and introduced us to President Lincoln.  The nurse came in and said the Doctor was releasing her that afternoon and we immediately told her that we would not be taking her because of the hallucination she was having.

We went back the next day to find that not only was President Lincoln in the room but that Dad had visited her in the night (he died 5 years previously) and that they were serenaded by (follow this one….) Boys II Men’s Grandfathers.  The Doctor then came in to tell us that he couldn’t keep her anymore and we turned to him and said, “You broke her.  You have to fix her.”  We refused to take her home until the hallucinations stopped and we made it clear that she didn’t come in with any and we wouldn’t take her home while she was still having them.

The next day, we came in and the hallucinations were gone.  We couldn’t believe it.  Mother said that the night before they gave her a bath and discovered that there were still two anti-nausea patches behind her ears.  Once the patches were gone, the hallucinations slowly went away and by the next day, she didn’t have more.  She remembers all of the hallucinations and we still laugh about it today.

Oops I Did It Again!

Last week, Mother was back in the hospital, this time because of an infection that wasn’t going away.  She needed IV antibiotics, but my Mother is, of course, allergic to things like Penicillin and other antibiotics.  So the Doctor had to really search for something that would work and that she wasn’t allergic to.  She was in the hospital for a couple of days and each time I visited, she was lucid, antsy to get home, and not showing any signs of problems with the antibiotic that she was on.  What a relief.

But when we got her home she started talking and talking and talking.  Although I was responding to her, I realized that she wasn’t talking to me.  And then she asked who the children were that were playing in the corner.  I told her no one was there.  She didn’t believe me at first.  I gave her the nighttime dose of her antibiotic and helped her to bed.

Although she was seeing children, it was all harmless, they were playing in the corners or sitting in a chair talking to her.  Plus she was extremely tired after a week of not getting a lot of sleep while at the hospital.  But at 3:00 am in the morning, she woke us up because of her hallucinations.  I called her Doctor told him I wasn’t giving her another dose and that we needed a new prescription.  He called one in immediately and so far she isn’t having any problems with it.

But that made me realize that something she told me was a dream while she was at the hospital must have been a hallucination.  She said she had a dream and that she was confused when she woke from it and thought the people in the dream were still in the room with the Nurse who had just come in.  It was this dream or hallucination that brings us this next Mommyism.

Mother said that she dreamed she planned the meal that we would have after her own funeral.  In fact, she actually made me write it down and it now hangs on our Fridge.  While she was going through the list of things, she asked me what we should put out for dessert.  Then she said, “I can’t make any pies.  I won’t be there.”

Instant classic.

Additional Mommyisms can be found at:

Mommyisms:  Funny Things My Mother Said Part I
Mommyisms:  Funny Things My Mother Said Part II